Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Moment of Weakness.

I have had this blog post sitting in my draft pile for about 6 months now, just waiting for the appropriate time to post it. Normally when I write a post I am an eager beaver and can't wait to publish it and see if anyone actually reads what little old me has to say... but with this one it was different. I think because it shows just how vulnerable I feel sometimes... and I really hate admitting that. So I bet you are wondering; why is she posting it now? Its Jesus O'clock in the morning and no one is going to read it until tomorrow anyways so why now. Well because I don't believe in coincidence. That's why.

I have been having a less than desirable time with my body as of late as most of you know. I am angry that the healing process is going so slow and sometimes I even just want to throw in the towel with this fight because I know someday I will be going through the same song and dance all over again so why prolong the inevitable? So as I am at the height of this self destructive hissy fit I awake from yet another nightmare caused by medicine I have to take to an excruciating headache. I drag myself into the kitchen to get some Tylenol and water I am greeted by a bible verse on the refrigerator door that I have somehow missed for the last week. I'm not sure how I missed it as it was in at least 28 font and took up and entire sheet of computer paper... but there it was, the very bible verse I had so passionately written about months before... so I figure, maybe I need this now more than ever... and maybe you do to. So here it is. I hope and pray it speaks to you.

"There are many times that I feel less than acceptable. My limitations from time to time take over, and I simply become a passenger on a road that I don't wish to be on. Weakness is a scary thing for me. My whole existence is centered around independence and freedom, because without them I know what could become of me. So this post as much as I want it to minister to you, is also a constant reminder to me. What this world sees as pitiful, my God sees as perfect. What the world deems a burden, my Lord calls it beautiful.

I had grown up on this scripture, but when you are young you only cling to the part that sounds pretty. For years I have carried the promise "My grace is sufficient for you" in my heart, but was amiss as to what followed it. A few weeks ago when a friend of mine needed encouraging I looked up a few scriptures for her, hoping that it would help. This particular one was laid on my heart. In an attempt to impart healing words to another, my soul was the one that was soothed.

"But He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more glady about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. This is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I also really love the way the Message paraphrase puts it when paralleled with the NIV

My grace is enough; it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations is stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size- abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Now, I know that Christianity and the viewpoint of Christ are not the most popular these days, but no matter where you stand with him, you must admit that these words are so powerful. That someone could love you so much, that they would pour out grace for you at the precise moment that you need it. I am not perfect, nor am I the perfect Christian and I have never claimed to be. I question God and my faith daily. I am human. However, I hold these words in my heart, especially when devastation is so prevalent in today's reality. For me, this is my comfort. That in my moment of weakness, there is hope that I will be strong again."