Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I don't like lines. Any of them. I don't like to color inside them, wait in them, read between them, memorize them, or get hit on with them. Well I wouldn't mind the getting hit on with them one as much but you get my point. I feel like recently that's all there has been. Lines. Lines that I need to memorize for my next show. Lines I have to wait in to get seen at the doctors office. The lines I have to hear people give me that they think will make me feel better but in truth it only makes you look silly for not telling the truth, and the lines that I have to read between to understand what all of it means.

The last couple weeks have been rough. It's not so much that things were bad, even though some people might say they were, it was more that I was annoyed and discouraged. It's no secret that I have some issues with my health that creep up from time to time without my permission and usually at the worst time. It's like when your stomach growls really loud at a funeral. That's how I feel about my health sometimes. It growls at the worst possible moment and people stop to stare.

I was having a really rough time getting over a case of strep throat, so I frequented the doctor's office pretty regularly over the past three weeks. Doctor speak is always hard but when everyone is trying to be the hero and fix the unfixable, lines start to get crossed. It was a very hard thing for me to fight with them for the care I thought I needed seeing as they have the degree and I don't, but I'm the one that lives in this body, not them.

After many hours spread throughout the last several weeks of just battle after battle and hearing line after line I was discussing my care with one of the many nurses I had seen over the course of time. I was ready for her to hand me yet another line when she took my hand and said "You know what young lady, I admire you for fighting for yourself. I don't know many people who would to that." I kinda looked around the room for a second and realized that this complete stranger who had absolutely no obligation to encourage me had not fed me a line. My tear ducts of steel were momentarily breached, and I sent a little thank you up to God for the unexpected kindness.

As always, I have bounced back to normal, or whatever my normal is and things are just as they were. I take that back. They aren't the same, because with every situation you change, so things are what they should be for now. During this time, I have learned that you shouldn't really focus on your limitations, the lines you can't cross but rather at what God has given me that's in between. To see just how lucky I am, and just how much life I've been given the chance to live. Sure limitations are hard, especially when they taunt you, but in fact those lines make up the person that you are. It gives you shape and character and that special something that makes you the only you there will ever be. So I guess lines aren't all that bad after all.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. You are beautiful, and strong, and I miss you like crazy! Continue to be you, my love!

  3. Thank you Jimmy :) You always brighten my heart.