Saturday, July 30, 2011

Mama I'm a Big Girl Now

Well it has been quite some time since my last post, and honestly a lot of life has happened to me since I last wrote. It's one of those times that I wish I could have taken the time to write down what I was feeling during this transition, but it was such a big one that I didn't even have the time to sit down and comment on it. You know what I take that back. I did have the time. But I think I know deep down that if I let myself sit down and dwell on my life that was shifting in totality and even changing axles, I may not be able to handle it. And we all know what happens when I reach my ropes end... for those of you that don't; keep it that way.

So to summarize my ever changing life. I am now in a new show (Annie at the Broadway Palm Dinner Theatre) which is always such a blessing. I have been blessed yet again to not only do what I love doing, but I have met some beautiful souls along the way that I probably wouldn't have met otherwise, and are really aiding in getting me through this time in life. I have also moved. Yes kids I broke my mother's heart and I moved out. I have a FANTASTIC roomie that I love spending time with, and over all it has been a fairly peaceful adjustment. I miss the kids with my whole heart, and I hate not having my nightly chats with mom, but we all knew it was time to go. Things may be different, but different is not synonymous with bad. I think my relationship with my parents has grown for the better, because now they know the times I do call and come over that I genuinely want to be there, not because I want to appease the hand that feeds me.

So needless to say I kinda feel like I'm living a totally different life than I was a month ago, and to be honest I actually am. I have a different job and a different house, but more so than that I have different priorities, and I am beginning to see that priorities are a core tell in what makes someone tick. If I have the priority to say, pay my bills, then I am going to do everything I possibly can to be smart with my money, and be the best me I can be at my job. I cant for example just party and go out all the time and put that job that allows me to pay my bills in jeopardy. So if I have been keeping company with someone who doesn't have these kinds of responsibility they may have the pre disposition to do whatever they want when they want and not worry about the consequences.

It's funny that when you are fending for yourself how very particular you become about the company you keep. When I was growing up and someone hurt my feelings or I was in a fight with a girlfriend or something, my daddy would always say to me "it's not the quantity of the friends you have, but the quality." I have never found that to be more true. I have begun to look at my recent company and wondering if I should keep it. Now if you are reading this and are a friend of mine, do not fear a sudden blow off or anything like that. No housecleaning is going to be done, it's just an observation. The great thing is I have been so proud of the ones I have chosen to spend my time with. While I am being frugal with my money, I can be generous with my time, (what little of it I have) with those that I have been blessed to cross paths with. I have never felt more uplifted and protected by not only my family, but such special friends as well, and that is truly a miracle.

In everything I do, I do it with all of my heart, and this time in my life is no different. I have thrown myself into this jolt of adulthood with everything I've got, and I can't say that I've come out clean. I've garnered a few bruises here and there by realizing that maybe everything needs to change. I am now a neat freak. No joke. I clean all the time. I make lists. I check my bank account several times a DAY. And among these small adjustments I have tried to lodge the big ones. Like taking my heart a little more seriously and walking away from something that maybe wasn't the best for me. I'm learning how to make clean breaks, not just keeping people around because it's easy. I've also learned how to look into the mirror and be proud of not only the seen (which is a big deal for me) but the unseen. Because I know that when I walk outside the door and get in my car, that if my mommy ever asks me I can tell her that I really am I big girl now.

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