The last few weeks have been an interesting stretch. It's hot. And I mean really hot. And the fact that we wear wool clothing and layers of it in the heat doesn't make anyone any happier. We also are getting teased by the weather. One second its scorching hot and then you blink and it's hailing. We are tired. And when people get tired it's a known fact that sooner or later they get cranky. I think we bypassed cranky and went straight to grumpy and some even angry. We need space... but somehow space is the one commodity that seems to be evading us. Something we all see as a necessity has shomehow become a privalage that non of us are elevated enough to achieve. So instead we brood. Or, in my case... just stay quiet.
We had a really bad storm the other night. In hindsight I know that many people have different opinions of what the storm actually was, but if we are all honest in the midst of it, we all knew it wasn't right. There were three different storms surrounding the theatre, and each one of them was displaying their power, warning us not to contend with it. Lightning and heavy winds were the main event, and I was nervous. In talking to cast mates about it in short hurried whispers backstage I admited my anxiety, adding that I see storms all the time as I am a Florda girl through and through, and the fact that I was hesitant made my anxiety mount even further. It even got to the point where people became scared onstage. The lighting loomed directly overhead and I think we all went into hyper drive. For some people that meant speeding up... for others it meant crying. For me... it meant holding on for dear life to however happened to be near and slilently praying that it would all be over soon.
In the end the right decision was made. When the "due to incliment weather" announcement was made I don't think I could have been more relieved. I quickly grabbed my things, got out of costume and went home with my roomie to hide under the covers and block out the night that just wouldn't go away. Funny thing is, is that I thought all the opinions and harsh tones and words would have gotten out of the way at the theatre, but it turns out I was far from accurate on that one. People quickly began to unleash their frustrations, and unfortunalty on each other. It happened, it's over, and we have hopefully moved on. However, reading and hearing some of these things made me realize just how close the end of all of this really is.
We have around 20 performances left. That means I have roughly less than a month here in North Carolina. I remember before I got here how nervous I was, when I was finally here how excited I was, when I was settled in how content I was, and now that it's nearing the end how ready I am to move on. I am resolved with the fact that this will end. I will go to my next contract and experience things there just like I have here, some wonderful, and some unneccesary. I have met people here who I can honestly say that I love, and some who I probably won't speak to again after this because that's just the way life it, and that's ok. I am honored to be apart of this family, but I still recognize that things change, and I'm not going to waste opportunites by refusing to change with time.
As I get ready to leave for the theatre for my 50 something show, Im blessed to know I have a job to go to, and one that I love doing.It most certainly has its bumps, but what doesn't? I will give it everything I have until its time to pack my things and move on. Merde, and break legs to all of the cast and crew! Here we go!
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