Friday, April 30, 2010

See What I Wanna See

I recently had to get glasses.To my dismay my perfect eyesight of 20/15 has dwindled but not too drastically. However when driving, I have a hard time seeing the road signs until I am right on top of them. Not being the most skilled driver of them all... OK I'm terrible.. but knowing this of myself I decided to do what I could to preserve the safety of myself and of those who have the misfortune of sharing the road with me. Surprisingly I like wearing glasses. It may be because I don't have to wear them all the time, but I now use them as somewhat of an accessory. They make me look smart, and anything that can aid in the outward hinting at my intelligence I am all for. However, the thing I like most about them is that they draw your eyes toward mine, which I consider my best feature. Green eyes are rare, so I want to flaunt them, but more than that, you can see my heart through them.

My friends and family tease me from time to time about the things I do. I am a unique person with funny quirks. I name everything, and have from the time I was a little girl. Last night while spending the night at my grandparent's house, I asked my Poppy the first thing he remembered me nicknaming. Pondered it for a moment, and then told me that it was his big blue farming tractor, aptly named "Blue Box Blue" after my favorite lunchtime meal, Kraft Mac and Cheese. However he quickly let me know that I was nick naming people far before I had moved onto things. As I thought about it, it was true. All the members of my family are called something different than anything I have ever heard in any other family, but that was just the way I saw them. For instance, My uncle is Bubby instead of his name proceeded by Uncle, and my Aunt is Appy instead of her name proceeded by Aunt.

This however is not the only thing the poke at me about. I can't keep my emotion off of my face. I do not subscribe to the famous words of Lady Gaga's hit which claim that you "can't read me poker face." I couldn't fake someone out even if I were trying. I have never been able to lie, nor have I been able to be conspicuous about my real thoughts toward any situation. Now I know that your immediate response is going to be "You're lying right now! You are an actor! You lie all the time!" If only I had a nickle for every time someone said that to me, I would throw it back at you and aim for your eye. First off, lying is not acting, nor is acting lying. If you are truly an actor, you are truly feeling the emotions in the context of the play, you just happen to be saying words that are pre written for you. You aren't pretending to feel. You are feeling. So it is possible to find a terrible liar and a working actor all contained in the same skin. In fact, you are reading about one. :)

While my face is expressive, it takes all cues from my eyes. Eyes are funny things. They can well up with physical tears and inanimate emotion. Many people say that the eyes are the window to the soul. While that may be true some of the time, a lot of the time con men and women use their eyes as their most effective tool to manipulate your soul. Such a situation presented itself in last nights episode of The Mentalist. A man was using the ever present power of they eye's ability to connect souls together to his mischievous gain. The detective responded to his feel good babble with "My eyes are not windows, doors or even keys for that matter. I use my eyes to see." While this caught my attention, and even prompted me to write it down on a loose envelope sitting on the end table next to me at the Creek House (my nick name for my grandparent's house since 1995) it didn't make me think about anything in particular. I wasn't until later when we were watching Driving Miss Daisy and I heard this, did I really begin to think. "How do you know how I can see unless you look though my eyes?"

I see things the way I want to. Call me a child, or a fool, but I look at the world though rose colored glasses sometimes. Now this doesn't mean that I am irresponsible and am oblivious to all reality, for that is the farthest thing from the truth. I am aware of what it costs to live and it costs more than money. I know what it is to push on even when you can't anymore. Sometime I lose my rose colored glasses, and the world is all black and white, facts and figures. However, when those rare moments come when I can put them on and still responsibly do what I do, you bet I'm gonna. So I am going to keep naming the things I love, leaving my poker face for someone else, and seeing what I want to see.

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